Untitled: My First Fanfic
by Mom2abntb
Summary: Rated T. This is set after The Wannabe in the Weeds, with some parts of The Pain in the Heart added in.


_A/N: This was the first fanfic I ever wrote._

Booth lay on the cold floor of the Checkerbox, his eyes not registering on anything but Brennan's face; the woman who has held his heart in her hands for a lifetime

Booth lay on the cold floor of the Checkerbox, his eyes not registering on anything but Brennan's face; the woman who had held his heart in her hands for a lifetime. But he feared it was too late to tell her. Booth tried to form words, but they wouldn't escape. The pressure inside his head began to drown out all the noise as his eyes closed. But faintly, barely, he could hear Bones calling out to him, pleading with him, before all went black.

Brennan willed the tears away as she tried to bring rationality to the forefront of her mind. If this were anyone else, what would she do? She had to act quickly to save him. Pushing all feelings to the side, she checked for a pulse, it was nonexistent. She put her cheek to his mouth; no air escaped. She yelled at Hodgins to assist with CPR. He did compressions while Brennan breathed for Booth. After two minutes, there was still no pulse. "Where's the EMT?" Brennan yelled. Zack ran outside to find them.

Another cycle of CPR later, Brennan detected a faint pulse. She put her cheek to his mouth again and felt slight breaths escaping. At that moment, the EMTs arrived and started working on Booth; inserting an IV, putting an oxygen mask on his face, and applying pressure to his wound as they loaded him into the ambulance. As it took off, Brennan got into her vehicle and followed close behind, never losing them. She could not let her thoughts go to that dark place, where Booth wasn't in her life. She willed her feelings back down deep so she could think logically and rationally. After all, Booth, in her mind, was only a co-worker. As she drove in silence, though, her thoughts and feelings wouldn't be silenced. They'd been building for far too long to be contained. One tear fell onto her cheek, and then another. She thought back to all the men in her life, none of which could begin to measure up to Booth. Booth was a man of honor and a man of his word. His loyalty for his country and his job were ingrained into his DNA. And, Brennan soon realized, the reason she was never really happy in a relationship was because her heart was saved for another man; the man who was riding in the ambulance in front of her. The man who may die without him ever knowing how she felt. This realization brought her fears to the forefront. Panic set in. She pushed the accelerator a little harder, trying to close the small gap between the ambulance and herself.

Her cell phone rang, thankfully interrupting her thoughts. It was Angela. She was inquiring about how Brennan was doing. She brushed Angela's concern to the side, trying to convince Angela, as well as herself, that she was fine. Completely detached is how Brennan coped. She felt her control beginning to wane and she ended the call.

Arriving at the hospital, Brennan left her car running, parked behind the ambulance. Ignoring the shouts from orderlies about her car, she ran in after the gurney. At the door to the room that Booth was in, Brennan was stopped cold by the doctor.

"I'm sorry, but you can't go in there right now. Please go wait in the waiting room through the double doors. We'll let you know something soon," the doctor said, backing into Booth's room. He didn't even let her protest. She tried to push her way in, yelling something about being a doctor herself, but was ushered out by a stern nurse. "Look, missy, you have to wait in the waiting area." Then she motioned to the security guard standing by nurse's station. "Please take her to the waiting room." Brennan suddenly noticed the blood on the nurse's scrubs as she ran back into the room. Her heart clenched, threatened to seize. What if she never got to tell him? The security guard grabbed her arm a little too tightly and led her into the waiting area where Sweets, Hodgins, Angela, Zack, and Cam waited. They looked up at her approach, worried panic written into their expressions. Brennan shook her head and took a seat beside Angela. Leaning her head on her friend's shoulder, she sighed heavily. She fought back the lump in her throat.

Inside the hospital room, the doctors got Booth stabilized for surgery. After removing the bullet and stitching up the wound, he was transferred into a private room in Intensive Care.

Minutes turned into hours as the squints waited on any news concerning Booth's condition. Brennan bugged and harassed every nurse and doctor she saw, but got nowhere. A little after midnight, the doctor Brennan had seen earlier, came into the waiting area, his head hung low, blood stains covering most of his scrubs. Brennan stood up, and the gang surrounded her.

"I'm so sorry. But we did all we could do. His next of kin is being called as we speak. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss," the doctor said, and then walked out.

Pain like nothing she had experience threatened to overtake her. She had to get out, get away! Without so much as a goodbye to the squints, she ran out. Tears that had threatened in the hospital flowed freely as Brennan sobbed, hands gripping the steering wheel until her knuckles were snow white. Now he would never know that she loved him.

After several minutes, her tears slowed and she cranked the car and drove to her apartment. Dropping her keys in a bowl, she played her messages. At Booth's voice, her heart stopped beating. He had called, she realized, to find out where she was earlier, as everyone had been waiting for her at the Checkerbox. At the end of the message, she collapsed on the floor into sobs again. How would she go on?

The next day, Booth woke up to see Parker and Rebecca.

"Hey," he said, reaching for Parker. Parker's face, once streaked with panic, softened as he grabbed his dad's hand. "I love you buddy."

"I love you too dad."

Brennan answered the phone on the third ring, unsure if she even wanted to talk to anyone.

"Hey Bren, it's me Ange. How are you doing?" Angela asked through the phone. After seeing her friend run out of the hospital, she had been worried and unable to reach her until the next day.

"I'm fine, Angela. Really. I'm sorry for running out like that," Brennan said, actually feeling fine. Her ability to compartmentalize surprised her at times.

"Are you sure you're okay sweetie? I could come over if you want me to," Angela replied, not really believing her friend.

"No, you just stay home. I'll be going into the office later anyway to work on some of the remains in limbo. Seriously, I'm fine. I'll talk to you soon," Brennan said, hanging up the phone. Sighing, she played Booth's message once again.

Booth picked up his cell to dial Brennan when a man walked into the room with an envelope stamped Top Secret.

"I'll advise you to close the phone Agent Booth," he said. "You are officially deceased according to the FBI."

"Cam, I need to talk to you," Brennan said, standing before Cam's desk. Cam looked up from her laptop and smiled.

"Sure, what is it?" Cam said, turning her chair to face Brennan.

"I need to leave immediately for Huntsville, West Virginia. Carol called and said that I was needed down there...some problems with the construction of the bridge," Brennan replied, not smiling. Getting away would be a good thing. Maybe when she returned, she could be her rational, old self again. _Without the FBI partner_, her internal voice reminded her. Her heart ached.

"Oh, ok," Cam said, surprised at the sudden leave request.

"I'll be gone for a little while, possibly a couple weeks or more. But if you need me, I'll have my cell and laptop with me," Brennan replied, backing out of Cam's office. With a somber wave, Brennan was gone. Cam sank back into her chair and sighed loudly.

Brennan said goodbye to Hodgins and Angela and walked out of the Jeffersonian. After packing up her car, she made her way into the night, towards Huntsville.

Two Weeks Later

Attending the funeral of Seeley Booth proved difficult for the squints. While Carole Julian gave the eulogy, Cam spied a strange, older man out of the corner of her eye. As the Honor Guard began the salute, the mysterious man walked towards Booth's casket and laid a white rose on top. From behind the squints, a wayward Honor Guard member jumped out of formation and began struggling with the man. With his hat knocked off, Booth was identified and confusion ensued. Once the fight was broken up and the man was in custody, Booth came back to the line of squints and noticed Bones missing.

"Where's Bones?" he asked as each of them look at one another. Cam spoke up.

"She's in West Virginia."

"The bridge?" Booth asked. Cam started to reply but was interrupted by Sweets.

"I feel I should point out, Agent Booth, that Brennan's probably just running away. She had to come to terms with your loss and the only way to do that would be to pour herself into a project. The Jeffersonian still reminds her so much of you, that she had to go somewhere else to do that work," Sweets said, matter-of-factly. Booth rolled his eyes.

"Come on Sweets. I'm just her partner...we're just partners...that's all," Booth said, walking away. Inside, though, he wondered if he welcomed the confrontation with her had she been there instead of finding out that she was gone. What would he do now? Go find her. That's the only way he could deal with the guilt of betraying her.

"Angela, you've got to tell me where she is staying," Booth was saying, following Angela in and out of corridors in the Jeffersonian. They'd come back to the Jeffersonian after the funeral. Booth had followed to get more information about Brennan.

"Why are you so concerned, Booth?" Angela asked, knowing how Brennan was going to react. She was slightly peeved at him herself. Angela had taken his death pretty hard because they'd all grown closer together over the three years they'd been a team.

"Come on Angela. I've got to let her know," Booth said, walking fast to keep up. "She's got to hear it from me…and I'd like to do it in person." Angela stopped and turned to face Booth. Angela could read Booth's facial expressions. Concern was written into the creases above his brow, but there was something else. Sighing, she conceded and told Booth exactly where Brennan was staying and where Carol's office was located. With a flash, Booth was out of the Jeffersonian, and on his way.

Brennan had been in Huntsville for two weeks, meeting with Carol on the increasing expenses associated with building the bridge. It was all daunting, but didn't use up her time as she had expected. After all, she was still left with her thoughts in the dead of night. Lying atop the bed, still neatly made, Brennan closed her eyes and tried to sleep…thoughts of Booth welled up into her subconscious and as she slept, her dreams were filled with him. But the dreams weren't about their past cases, investigations, or anything concerning work. They were filled with sweet moments between them, their interactions, and their blossoming friendship. He had protected her. He had given his life for her. When Brennan finally woke up, her face was wet with tears. Sorrow beyond anything she'd felt took hold of her. The gravity of her life without her partner…no, he was more than that to her…was upon her. Sighing, she picked up the phone to call Angela, whom she knew would be asleep, when she heard a slight rapping on the door…

It was well after midnight when Booth finally got to Brennan's motel. He looked at the small piece of paper where he'd scrawled her room number. 212. He looked and noticed that her room was on the second floor. He suddenly felt sick. He never got nervous about anything. But then again, this was a totally different situation. Sweets would've had a field day with Booth had he waited around for his opinion. He'd deal with the fallout later. First he had to let her know he was very much alive. Almost dying had showed Booth just how much he cared about Bones. He shivered as he exited the car and walked quietly up the metal staircase to the second level. 208. 210. 212. There it was. No lights were on in the room…

Brennan turned on the lamp and wiped her eyes. Grabbing the huge gun she kept on the nightstand, she advanced towards the door. Brennan called out. "Who is it?" Her defenses kicked in. The reply she received shook her to the core. "It's me, Bones. It's me."

He saw the door open slightly, chain lock still engaged. Her big, beautiful eyes stared him down. Shock was written on her face, but was quickly was replaced by anger. She shut the door. He anticipated it opening again but it didn't. He saw the light turn off. Closing his eyes, he sighed. What other reaction had he expected? A hug? Happiness? That wasn't Bones' way…especially when she'd thought he was dead.

"Come on Bones. Please let me in. I need to explain," he said, his forehead pressed into the door. He felt the door open, nearly falling forward. He felt the blow before he saw it; it knocked him down onto the unforgiving concrete. The door slammed and Booth was left with his thoughts, and his aching cheek. He touched the corner of his mouth with his fingertips and felt blood. Sighing heavily, he leaned up against the door again.

"Ok if you aren't going to let me in, then I'll just explain out here, in the cold," he began. He didn't know if she was listening or not, but he guessed she would be. "When I was shot, the FBI thought of faking my death so they could catch Brian Deese, someone very dangerous whom I drove underground. He had made the comment that the next time he was seen would be at my funeral. So they staged it to bring him out of hiding. He was a cop killer, Bones. I had to do this so the family could have justice!"

Bones leaned her back against the other side of the door . She listened to Booth's every word, fighting to stay mad at him, and failing. A lot of emotions had come to the surface over the last few weeks and she wasn't prepared or ready to deal with their implication. She was about logic and reasoning, not about heart. Wasn't that what Booth had told her before? Brain and heart? She couldn't, and didn't, know how to marry the two.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Temperance. I know I promised I'd never betray you and I've been unable to keep that promise. I know I've hurt you, even though you'll never admit to it. If you want to talk, though, I'll be in town for a couple more days. You have my number," Booth finished, placing his hand on the door. Defeated, he walked down the metal stairs and got into his car.

Brennan watched him drive off and felt the rest of her anger dissipate. Not knowing what else to do, she finally called Angela. She sleepily answered.

"Hey Ange, it's me," Brennan said, suddenly wide awake.

"Hey sweetie, what time is it?"

"It's after one in the morning. I'm sorry for calling you. I should let you go back to slee…"

"No, wait. It's ok. I'm up. What's going on? Something happen?"

"Yes it did. Booth is alive, Angela," the pain that was echoed in Brennan's voice saddened Angela.

"I know, sweetie. It was a fiasco, that's all I can call it, when we found out. I'll fill you in one day," Angela replied. Brennan's mouth was agape.

"You knew and you didn't tell me?" she accused. Hurt welled up once more at the realization of another betrayal.

"Honey, he wanted to tell you himself. And I respected that. I should've called and I'm sorry," Angela replied, getting out of bed and walking to the kitchen. She sat down in a wrought iron chair and waited. For what, she didn't know; maybe for Brennan to wake up and realize what she had right in front of her. "What's really bothering you Brennan?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Angela. I'm fine, well, I'm livid, but other than that, I'm fine," Brennan lied. She wondered if Angela bought it. Being best friends had its downfalls, one of which was knowing when one friend was lying to the other.

"Ok. Look. Sweetie, I know this may be hard for you to realize and digest. But aren't you the least bit curious as to why Booth would drive all that way just to tell you he was alive when he could've just as easily called?"

"Because he knows about me, about my past, and knows how his betrayal would affect me," Brennan countered, not fully grasping what Angela was getting at.

"Let me spell this out for you okay? H-E space L-O-V-E-S space Y-O-U. That's why Brennan. And it's time you wake up to that fact before he gets away." Brennan was reeling.

"What the hell are you talking about Angela? We are partners, friends, close friends, I'll give you that. But I don't believe for one minute that he loves me any more than he'd love you or Zack or Hodgins. We're all friends. Friends love each other," Brennan replied, her face flushing at what Angela was telling her.

"Listen, sweetie, you don't believe that anymore than I do. He took a bullet for you, remember? That is love. He GAVE HIS LIFE FOR YOU!" Angela was getting a little irritated.

"I was his partner. Had I been male, he'd have done the same thing," Brennan replied. Calling Angela had confused her more than it clarified things.

"Whatever, look, I know, you know, Booth knows…my god the whole world knows, Brennan. He is in love with you, heart and soul. And that doesn't come around but once in a lifetime, sweetie. I'm going back to bed. I love you," Angela said, and hung up. Brennan stared at her cell phone, blinking the message that the call had ended. The urge to throw it up against something was great, but she refrained. What purpose would that serve?

Booth sat down on the squeaky mattress, shoulders hung low. He hadn't expected Bones to be overly happy at first, but once he explained, he thought she'd at least open the door and then they could've discussed things. They'd fuss, fight, and argue. That was their way; silence was not. It was well past two a.m. and he still wasn't sleepy. He got up and looked in the mirror at where Bones had hit him. The blood had since dried, but his bottom lip was swelling at the corner. He touched it. His heart felt like the tender skin surrounding his lip and it surprised him. He didn't know why he was surprised though. He'd known he loved her for a while now. But he knew he couldn't rush her. She was logical; she thought things out, albeit, taking too long sometimes to reach a conclusion. But what else could he do now? He'd told her, or at least her door, what had happened. He knew she would be listening. Now, he supposed, he'd just give her time. But what would happen in the meantime? They still had a partnership; they still would have cases to work on. Gormogon had to be caught. How could they get along with this wedge in between them? He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. He picked up his cell phone and called the only one he thought he could trust with his feelings.

Brennan was getting dressed when her cell phone rang.

"Brennan"

"Hey Bren, its Angela. I wanted to call and see how you were doing this morning," she asked. Zack mouthed his hello to Angela who transferred it to Brennan.

"Tell him I said hello, too. Things are going fine. I told you last night, I'm fine. I've dealt with it and moved on. What's happening at the lab?" Angela knew changing the subject meant there would be no reason to press the issue. So she decided to leave out the other conversation she'd had the previous night. And then thought twice about it.

"Nothing much. Must've been some night for phone calls, but you don't wanna hear about that. So I'll let you go," Angela replied and hung up. Brennan was confused. She started to call back, but knew that's what Angela would want. And Brennan wasn't up to playing any games.

Driving into the newly paved parking lot of Carol's office, Brennan saw Booth's SUV. Anger rose up as she parked beside it and stalked inside. Inside Carol's office, Booth sat in the floor trying to play patty cake with Andy. The baby erupted in giggles and Booth smiled, not seeing her at first. Carol came back into the office.

"Hi Dr. Brennan. You're early this morning," she said, not looking up from the folder she had in her hands. Booth turned and looked. Brennan wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Oh, for Bones, this is late," Booth said, smiling. Brennan didn't return the smile.

"Well I can see you are busy, so I'll just come back. My lab has some photos that they need me to take a look at anyway," she lied. Not looking at Booth was requiring a herculean effort on Brennan's part.

"Well…okay…if you need to go, that's fine. Actually, though, once we go over these figures to make sure they seem okay with you, we'll be finished anyway," Carol replied, looking from Brennan to Booth, feeling the friction in the room between the partners.

"Thanks," Brennan said. She took the figures that Carol was handing out and walked into the hallway. Booth jumped up, handed Andy to Carol, and went after Brennan.

"Bones, please. Wait!" he said, having to jog. She was opening her car door when Booth caught up. He slammed it before she could get inside. Brennan glared at him.

"What the hell do you think you are doing Booth?" She started walking to the other side of the car. Booth, anticipating her next move, jumped in front of the passenger side door and blocked her. Brennan crossed her arms on her chest and stared in disbelief.

"Whether you want to or not, we have to talk about this," Booth said.

"I don't know what you are talking about, Booth. I have nothing to say to you," Brennan yelled back. Booth got within inches of her face, eyes briefly darting to her lips. The urge to kiss her became overwhelming. But the tenderness of his lip reminded him of what would happen if he crossed the line.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Bones. And you can't convince me that it didn't hurt because I see the pain in your eyes," he said softly. She backed up and looked away.

"Booth, I have to go. I can't…" she said softly, and Booth let her go.

After Brennan returned to Carol's office and handed in her approval, she packed up her car and checked out. Coming out of the motel office, Brennan saw Booth's SUV sitting in a parking space near the road. She stalked over and opened his door.

"What is there to talk about, Booth? You died, I grieved, you're alive, I've dealt," Brennan yelled. Booth knew enough to just let her finish. "You hurt me Booth. Yes I'll admit it. You promised something to me and I trusted you. You could've picked up the phone and called me, Booth. You know you can trust me. When have I ever made you think you couldn't trust me?" Booth sighed and got out of the car.

"I was just following orders, Bones," he said. "I was told I was dead and I was told I would keep the secret. The only ones I was allowed to tell were my family. And even though I consider you to be a big part of my life, Bones, you didn't qualify as family."

"That's right, cos we're just partners. We just work together. If you had really died, I'd have moved on because that's what I do. I compartmentalize my feelings and deal. I've had to do it all my life and I'd have done it again, had already begun to do so."

"Bones," Booth said, closing the gap between them. "This is me you're talking to. You can let down your guard. I'm fine, things will be fine. Please, don't let me believe that you could just file my death away and move on."

"That's just who I am Booth. I can't _be_ any other way," she said, softly. She looked into his eyes, willing him to just drop the whole thing. But she saw her feelings mirrored in his eyes. It was becoming too much.

"That's bull and you know it Temperance. Tell me you don't love me the way I love you. Tell me! Convince me that that's not the reason you ran away! You were running from your feelings!" Booth said. His stare bored holes into Brennan. If she confessed her feelings, their friendship would be ruined. But hadn't Booth already taken that risk? And he loved her? Somehow that didn't come as a shock. She turned away willing her tears to stop. She wasn't a crier. What was happening to her?

"I can't," she whispered. Booth came up behind and turned her to face him. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her softly. He pulled away, not wanting to push her too hard, and just held her. He realized, holding Temperance Brennan in his arms, that everything truly was right in the world; his world at least.

The End


End file.
